Nike Air Max

Jewelry is THE major pitfall of men’s fashion. Especially when it comes to good old fashioned gold jewelry, which nowadays you can’t flash without coming across as some serious douche. It’s absolutely off-limits, unless your name is Big Daddy Kane, or – one of the many loopholes of fashion – you wear it in a merely “ironic” way. Irony is the magic prefix to turn every major no-no instantly PC. Sexism, racism, rap music, you name it. Season it with some good old fashioned irony and every (white) middle class average-ass can enjoy it free of any guilt.It’s best go for that avant-garde stuff. The upside is you can be all serious about it, without compromising your social background. On the downside it looks like chunks of concrete and scrap metal glued together – which is probably not far from truth.

If you are still uncertain about the right choice of jewelry try that necklace above by Raf Simons. It blends 5 types of chains and 2 out 3 Rastafari colours in just one piece of jewelry. There is no better choice for undecisive fashion-self-conscious members of the middle-class. Get it at Oki-Ni.Unless you have a steroid-steeled Conan-esque physique to fill out that tank top properly, it will probably just awkwardly flop off your pigeon breast with the straps brushing over your nipples with every move, making them all sensitive and sore, as if some deluded baby spent half an hour desperately trying to extract some milk from your hairy man nips. No seriously, most of the time you will self-consciously readjust the straps because they tend to permanently get out of place, flashing your erect nipples to strangers. You can pick one of these up at Gold’s Gym’s web store.

Except for the music, I hate everything about throwback motto parties. Mostly due to people who ruin the whole thing by going for that super authentic 80s look, dressed in hot-pink legwarmers and fluo wayfarers, thinking they look like rad dudes from 1983, when in fact they look like 1991-born 2010 morons who did not even made the slightest effort to watch…I don’t know….The Breakfast Club.These are also the same guys yapping on and on about how the 80s will soon be succeeded by the 90s. And the 90s will eventually succed the 80s. Seriously? Look at the calendar on your freaking iPhone. The 90 succeeded the 80s 23 years ago. It’s 2013! Don’t make me slap you back to the future. The above Christopher Kane shorts, despite the random fact that they wore colorful shorts in the nineties too, are an accurate manifestation of current zeitgeist and fashion tastes – a wonderful specimen of typical 21st century fashion. You can cop them over at Oki-Ni.